


Saving Grace

by superwholockian4ever



Series: The One That Saved Me [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blood and Gore, Contemplations of Suicide, F/M, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentions of Bobby, mentions of depression, mentions of winchesters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-27 00:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5027320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholockian4ever/pseuds/superwholockian4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>During an apparent anxiety attack the reader prays for help. what comes of it is either a hallucination or a miracle.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Saving Grace

You sat there on your bed. It was the middle of the afternoon, but you were still alone in the house. You’re dad off hunting and your mom at work. Lately it seemed that they couldn’t care less about your wellbeing. Even though they said you were the reason they bought this house and settled as much as they had. They said they wanted you to finish high school and start college. Yet you saw even less of them now than you had when you were on the road all the time. When you did see them they had little patience for you and you always felt like you were walking on eggshells. If you brought home anything less than a B+ you were grounded and all your electronics got taken away.  
You didn’t fit in at school either. You had asked if you could take online courses and be homeschooled, but your mother threw a fit. She said they didn’t settle down so you could be anti-social. Both she and your father never looked beneath the surface of your troubles.  
The kids at school were brutal. Calling you names, messing with your things, both personal and school related. The only time boys flirted with you were when they were about to try something. The first time it happened you had no clue what was coming. Jackson Hale dragged you into a darkened alcove and sexually assaulted you. He didn’t get all the way as the bell rang, but it didn’t hurt any less. You went home early and got a detention. When your parents found out you got grounded again.  
So here you were…thinking about taking your own life as you sat on the bed and stared at the etching scars that crisscrossed your forearms. This time was different though. It wasn’t just fantasizing. It was serious contemplation and planning. You weren’t sure exactly when or how but you were more than eighty percent sure you’d go through with it. The only thing that gave you pause was how your mother would react to the mess you were going to make. You were sure she’d be livid. Maybe curse you out for not being able to clean it for her.  
Until now your eyes were dry, but now having come to the decision that this was really it your tears began to fall. It was silent, not even a sniffle leaving you as the tears kept streaming. Inside though your soul was screaming. A tortured cry demanding to know why it seemed there wasn’t even one person who loved you. Sure your parents cared, you supposed…but did they love you? It wasn’t the same as when you were little and even then they were distracted.  
Settling down was supposed to make life easier. The monsters were supposed to go away, but it only gave you new monsters to fight. People could be so much worse than monsters.  
And this way, I’m doing them all a favor. The kids at school don’t want me there disrupting there status quo. When I’m gone, mom and dad won’t have to buy food, clothes, or anything else for me. They won’t feel obligated to help with college. They could go off hunting again if they wanted too. I won’t be a burden anymore…  
Just as you were about to stand up the sunlight shone in your room and a voice sounded in your head.  
STOP!  
You stilled immediately. Wondering if you were going crazy, you listened on.  
Please stop. Don’t do this. You are loved. I love you. You don’t need to end your life, you need to keep going and some day you will be very important to someone. You are needed.  
The male voice stopped and you sat there wondering. Were you crazy? Was this a figment of your imagination, or a psychic being? Was it possible this was your soul mate reaching out to you? Was it God, or Jesus?  
You didn’t know. All you knew was that you felt like someone was there with you, hugging you. You felt loved and your depression shrank back. You didn’t want to kill yourself anymore. You would try to be better. Maybe eventually, you could be good enough for someone, like the voice said.  
At the exact moment you came to that conclusion the clouds must have moved in front of the sun, because the light in you room dimmed. The warm presence faded gradually throughout the day. In fact when you looked back on it, you would realize you weren’t sure exactly when it faded completely.  
Eventually though, the darkness returned. Never quite to the extent of that day. You found solace in painting a mural on your bedroom wall. An anime couple. A woman on her knees crying into the abdomen of an ethereal man. Cherry blossoms from a nearby tree floating towards them on the wind.  
Any time you admired your work you smiled because for a moment each time, you could feel the warmth the voice had brought.


	2. Protective Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During an apparent anxiety attack the reader prays for help. what comes of it is either a hallucination or a miracle.

You lie awake that night. Your imagination running wild with you again. It was strange, you felt more like a scared child now than you did when you were actually a child. Still you lie there covers pulled tightly to your chin despite it being eighty five degrees outside and even hotter in your home despite the fans going and the open windows. Actually if you were honest with yourself, the window being open was causing you more fear.

Settling down, was probably one of the worst ideas your parents ever came up with. Ignoring the things that go bump in the night doesn’t make them go away. You could feel your heart reach an unthinkable speed as your eyes darted across the darkness. You clutched your knife tightly beneath your pillow. Sweat collected in a sad attempt to cool your (s/c) skin, your (h/c) hair damp from the cold shower you took twenty minutes ago. If anything this just amplified your growing anxiety. 

You would have sworn that you’d been cursed to death by exploding heart, if you believed any of the kids at school were half way smart enough to read a spell off let alone gather ingredients. Besides, you had already checked the house for hex bags and found none.

The feeling that you could explode and implode at the same time grew in intensity. So did the feeling that something evil was in the house with you.  
Tears came unbidden to your face. You let go of your knife and clasped your hands together not daring to move any more than that. Squeezing your eyes tightly shut you began to pray silently.

Please God, or Jesus. Please be with me and calm my soul. I feel like I’m going to die. I know there’s likely nothing there, but I can’t seem to calm down. Please just hold me and help me catch my breath so I can sleep.

Suddenly, in your mind’s eye you were no more than six years old. A male figure glowing gold lay beside you, holding you close. His hand petting your hair and his warmth sinking into you and soothing you down to your soul. A ribbon of fuchsia light wound around the pair of you, wrapping you in a cocoon of light and you felt safer than you ever had in your life.

Everything other than the protective calming figure left you and you fell gently into a restful sleep. Waking in the morning with a smile on your face, you said a quick prayer of thanks to who you thought to be Jesus, and would later realize was your guardian angel.

This wasn’t the first time he saved you and it wouldn’t be the last. There would be at least five other occasions wherein you would pray for peace and he would come. Each time it would be the same, until you could no longer think of yourself as a child in his arms and the ribbon of protection changed colors.

Shame followed in waves when you first felt desire at your angel’s presence, but it was quickly washed away with the feeling of reassurance and warmth. It was only natural to feel a certain way to someone who did the things he did.

Despite that though, it would be the last time he would visit for a long time. So long in fact, you wondered if he would ever come back.


	3. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After coming home from studying at the library, the reader finds something that wreaks havoc on her world.

It was three months past the one year mark that your family had been living in the house you still refused to call home, seven months since you divine intervention stopped you taking your own life, and two months since the last time you felt the soothing presence of what you came to think of as your angel. You were studying hard for a big quarter term test in history class and had to work on two separate projects for advanced algebra and economics. This lead to almost endless hours at the library. Luckily, neither of the projects required a group. If they had, you would have wound up doing it alone for the most part anyway.

When the library closed each night, you would walk home alone and get there in time to make dinner for your mom. You would ask when your father was returning only to get a harsh glare. You understood though. She missed her husband. It didn’t stop you from asking, though. After all, he was your dad. The only time her response changed was when he was already on his way home.

The night before had just so happened to be one such night and so you planned on making sloppy joes with tater tots and green beans for dinner with pumpkin pie for dessert. It was your dad’s favorite. You hoped he was in a mood for it, and that nothing held him up from getting there on time. Dad being late plus his favorites for dinner was a recipe for disaster for mom. She would give you the silent treatment for a week.

You broke out of your thoughts to admire the sunset. It was so beautiful around this time of year and you wondered, not for the first time, if Dean and Sam were safe and happy. Of course, you knew those terms were relative when it came to the life of a hunter. Still, you hoped they were as well as they possibly could be.

What broke you out of your thoughts this time was the sound of sirens. You found the Fire trucks and engines as they raced down the road toward the street you lived on. It felt like time stopped and then you took off at a desperate run. You had to find out if your fears were true.

When you turned the corner and your street came into view, you could see that it was a house on the street next to yours that was on fire and despite the guilt that came after, you sighed a breath of relief. Now that you could relax you noted that both cars were in the driveway and the thought of seeing your father made you hurry home anyway. What you didn’t expect after entering the house though, was to find the sliding glass door to the backyard wide open.

“Mom?” you called cautiously. “Dad?” you tried when your mother didn’t answer.

The silence was deafening as you dropped your bag by the door and slowly, fearfully made your way to the stair well. It wasn’t until half way up that you saw the first drop of blood on the hardwood floor. A few steps later and more blood.

“Mom?! Dad?!” you try again, taking deep breaths to combat the rising panic.

The dread was slowly swallowing you and you wondered if this is how mice felt in the belly of a snake. Still you moved toward their bedroom. 

The droplets of blood on the floor were growing in size and number until you came to their door. It was slightly ajar, and you could see from the doorjamb that it had been kicked open. With a shaking hand you pushed it open, only to find the bodies of your parents. Their throats torn out, blood smeared all over them and the floor as if someone had been rolling in it. It looked like they had both been drained and on the nightstand a piece of parchment lay with a note in perfect calligraphy written in what you suspected was your parents’ blood.

Tilting your head you saw it read: "You’d do well to remember this and lay low. It would be a pity if my family had to come after you as well."

You wanted to break down and cry, and on the inside you were breaking again, but you needed to keep cool and call Bobby or John Winchester to get the hunting gear out of the house before you could call the police and have your parents taken care of.

Pulling out your phone you stared blankly at your parents as you made the call.

“(f/n) girl, how ya been? It’s been a while since I talked to you.” Bobby’s cheerful voice broke the droll ringing that meant the call was connecting.

“Someone murdered my parents, Bobby. Their throats are ripped out and they’ve been bled dry. I haven’t stepped over the threshold and disturbed the evidence but you’re gonna wanna get someone over here to collect the hunter gear in the house and the car.”

“Jesus…have you called the police yet?”

“No. Like I said I need all the unseemly items out of here. Quick as possible, please. I can’t sleep in the house with them like this and I can’t wait too long to call them or they will suspect me of the murder.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there right away. It should only take me about twenty minutes.”

“Good. Call me when you’re about five minutes away so I can get the call in to them. I don’t want to chance them getting here too soon, but with the fire on the next street over, I can’t get the math right.”

“A fire? Ain’t that a coincidence? I guess, you’ll have to fill me in when I get there. I’m already in the car. Hold tight, and for the love of god leave that room! See you soon, (f/n).”  
“Okay. I’ll see you Bobby.” You hit the end button and left the room. 

You waited on the chaise in the family room until Bobby called. When he said he was about four minutes our give or take, you called the police and reported coming home to find your parents dead. When asked if you were sure they were dead, you said they probably died within minutes as they appeared to have been mauled by an animal and essentially were missing their necks. They said they would have someone out as soon as possible, but with all the confusion of a fire nearby it could be anywhere between 30 to 50 minutes. You told her you would call a relative to come stay with you in the meantime, thanked her and hung up.


	4. Getting things in order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get questioned by the police and then Bobby takes you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise if anything seems completely out of character. This went more in-depth than I had originally planned. I also wrote it up very late in the night. Although, I did say it was slightly AU, so maybe this can be forgiven.

Bobby got there two minutes after hanging up with you. You didn’t know if he lied about how far he was or if he broke every speeding law ever created. He saw that you were still on the phone when he got there and went to work gathering up all your parents’ hunting gear, lore books, journals, and anything that looked remotely supernatural related. You sat there holding your hands in your lap, answering him when he asked where things were and what else needed to be done. 

When the cops got there he was sitting with you holding onto you as you finally allowed yourself to cry. All of the necessities were packed into bags in his car. The two of you told the officers that he had been on his way for a visit when you called him. He wasn’t that far away by then and he was able to get there quickly.

“Miss (l/n), I know this is hard, but I need to ask, why didn’t you try to help them? They were your parents. Most people would have rushed to their side.” A lady officer was questioning you.

You felt Bobby bristle beside you and you knew he knew where this was going too.

“As you have seen and I have stated before. Their throats were missing. A wound like means the person would bleed out within minutes. Had they been twitching or gasping for air, maybe I would have done something, but with them laying there as still as they were and the amount of blood that was around them…I was in shock,” you answered her in a mostly calm tone.

“When you called it in, you were surprisingly calm. You weren’t hysterical or crying. Why is that?” she asked in a tone that sounded slightly suspicious.

That question was the last straw for Bobby. You didn’t get a chance to start answering when he stood and towered over the officer who was questioning you.

“I have heard enough! How DARE you? This girl came home after studying all day to find her parents murdered! And you have the NERVE to sit there and question her like a suspect! She was in shock! She’s still in shock! And who’re you to dictate what’s considered a ‘normal’ way to grieve? Did ya ever stop for a minute and think maybe, just maybe she hasn’t had the chance to process it like she should? She’s had to see that, call you, call me then answer the door for us. God’s sake, she’s numb! So don’t you think for a second I am going to sit by and watch you bully this girl, just because you don’t think she’s acting right!”

With that outburst the chief came over and the woman looked appropriately chastised. The chief glared at his officer and apologized profusely for the way she behaved. Although they couldn’t, as of yet, rule you out completely as a suspect, the evidence should have been processed and evaluated before anyone started to question you like one. He told you, you could go and pack what you needed and Bobby could take you to his home in the next county over, as long as you could come in for questioning if and when they called you in.

Bobby of course agreed and went up with you to pack a couple of bags. With all the police coming and going, it effectively blocked the view to your parents’ room and you thankfully didn’t have to see all that again.

In the car on the way to Bobby’s house, you stared blankly out the window. Bobby kept looking at you out of the corner of his eye.  
“How ya doin’ kiddo?” he finally asked you.

“I’m okay I guess. Like you said I still haven’t processed all of this. I’ve seen enough of that kind of thing that it may take a while. Right now, it’s like it could be any nameless faceless people that got tore up by a monster,” you told him truthfully.

Bobby studied you for a minute. He must have realized you needed to think about it from an outside perspective, “Got any ideas?”

“They hit that vampire nest six years ago, remember?” 

“Yeah, but they wiped it out,” he reminded you, “no survivors.”

“Bobby, they don’t have a census, or if they do we don’t know about it. And they don’t keep ledgers or even family trees. It’s entirely possible that there were one or two of them out at the time. You know, kinda like today. I wasn’t home when they hit.”

“It’s possible, I guess…but why wait so long?”

“Maybe they were tracking us down. Maybe they wanted to increase their numbers. Did you see the note they left?”

“Yeah. What do you think about it.”

“I think either they felt merciful and would have left me alone had I been there, or they don’t care enough about me to come back for me. Either way they seem to be warning me off hunting.”

“And, uh, what do you think about that?”

You look at Bobby with one eyebrow lifted and your lips pursed the slightest bit, “If you think I’m quitting now, you don’t know me. I’ll finish school like they wanted, and then I’m going to start helping people and track down the vamps that did this.”

Bobby drove on silently for a while. When you thought he was going to hold his peace on it, he spoke again, “Well, I don’t like it, kid. But if that’s what you want, then I guess the only thing to do is to train ya up so you don’t get yourself killed.”

That was the last word of it that night. In the following months the police department would rule your parents’ deaths an animal mauling, even though, as Bobby put it, that didn’t make a lick of sense. The back door was wide open after all any number of animal could have come in stalked your parents to their bedroom and tore out their throats before waltzing back out the door.

With the help of Bobby, you arranged for them to be cremated and sold the house and the cars. You had a nice little bundle of cash, most of which you put away. The rest you spent on a Chevy Camaro. Bobby went through your dad’s gear and picked out what you needed telling you, you should hawk anything else. You asked him if there was anything among your parents’ belongings he wanted. If it could be useful to him, or he wanted a keepsake you’d rather he have it. As it turned out there were one or two items he decided to hold on to.

There was just one more person you had to ask to go through the items. Except, you had no idea where he was. You did, however, have his phone number.   
So you called him...


	5. Condonlances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phone call gets returned...sort of...

So you called him…only to have it go to voice mail.

You waited for the beep and started your message, “Hey, Uncle John. It’s (f/n). I’m not sure if you heard, but my parents are gone. I’m staying with Uncle Bobby for now. I’m just calling in case you wanted to look through dad’s things. Even if you didn’t want to keep anything, maybe you’d come across something that shouldn’t be out in the public. I know it’s unlikely Bobby would miss something like that, but then you knew Dad more than he did…I guess just call when you get this, if you have the time to come up and go through it all. And, uh, stay safe.”

 

Honestly, you didn’t know what to expect when you left that message. At one point your families had been really close, but in the time your parents had moved you to that house, they’d drifted a bit. So you really didn’t have a clue as to whether he would come let alone call. About a week later though, at about noon, there was a knock on the door. When you opened it there they stood. All three of the Winchester men. They looked a little different than you remembered, but then time tended to do that.

“(F/n),” John said putting a comforting hand on your shoulder, “I’m so sorry. We came as soon as we could.”

“It’s okay. It was a while ago. I’ve accepted they’re gone…Please come in. Bobby will have my hide if I keep you yammerin’ on the porch.”

You moved them into the living area and offered them drinks. They all declined. You looked at the boys. They had barely acknowledged your existence.

“It’s okay, you know. I’m not going to break if you look at me too long,” you sounded snarky even to you.

Unluckily for you, Bobby happened to walk in just as you spouted that comment and smacked you lightly on the back of the head.

“Sorry,” you apologized, “That was rude.”

“That’s better,” Bobby grumbled at you. “Why don’t you and the boy’s go upstairs and play? I’ll come get you later if John needs your help going through your father’s things, alright?”

You nodded and led the boys up to you room.

“What was that about?” Sammy asked you.

“Doesn’t Bobby know we’re not kids anymore? We don’t ‘play,’” Dean told you in a cocky tone.

“Okay. Well he was talking about my PlayStation 2 and N64, but if you’re too old and cool for that then I guess Sam and I can have to ‘play’ all by ourselves.”

“Wait, how did you end up with two consoles?” Dean asked.

“Well, my parents got killed by vampires and since I don’t need a house, or two cars I had to sell those. I didn’t anticipate all the money mom had in savings from bonuses and what have you, but seeing as how I am their only living relative, and the only beneficiary in their will, I got it all. Most of it I put away for when I finish school and start hunting again, but until then I used some of it for a car to go on runs for Bobby and the two consoles plus games for stress relief from studying. That okay with you?” you informed him in a somewhat snarky tone, although if either of them were in front of you they could have seen your playful smirk.

Instead, neither of them could see that and so Sam nudged his brother and whispered, “Not cool, Dean.”

“Sorry, (f/n),” Dean apologized in a slightly awkward tone.

“Seriously don’t worry about it. It’s still weird to me…feels like I’ve just been dropped off at Bobby’s for an extended time again. Eventually I’ll get there. For now though, who wants first go and what game shall we play?”

The boys played more than you did. You had to keep telling them you were more than happy just to watch them have fun. As long as they didn’t skip over any words and you always knew what was going on, it was almost like watching your favorite games as a movie. About an hour later Bobby came up and got you.

He took you to the garage where you and John looked through everything that was left over. He took a few things to put away and just one knife as a memento. The rest he told you where to sell and the absolute lowest you should take for it. When you had it all sorted into boxes and were making your way back into the house he stopped to look at your black 1964 Camaro. 

“That the car you got yourself?” he asked you.

“Yes, sir,” you replied.

“It’s nice,” he praised you.

“Honestly, I like yours better, but Dean would never stop calling me a copycat had I gone with that choice.”

He chuckled at that, “He can be a bit difficult, huh?”

“It’s okay. He’s a good guy. He’s allowed to have a few flaws,” you told him with a smile.

“Hm. Well, let’s head up. So you know we’ll be staying for a few nights before we move on,” he informed you.

“Thanks for the heads up. It’s good to know for dinner.”

 

When you entered the house, John went to look for Bobby, and you went to watch the boys for a little while longer. It was nice to see that even though they were pretty much adults they could still be carefree enough to let go and play video games with you.

You smiled as you watched them play Mario Kart and Super Smash Brothers, and burst out laughing at how competitive they got.

Dean looked over at you with a grin on his face after winning a round of Super Smash brothers.

“So, (f/n), you wanna play a round against the master?” Dean asked you in that cocky tone of his.

“As if Dean, you only win because you try to distract me!” Sam retaliated annoyed.

You giggled at them again, “I’ll go one round against each of you and then I have to get down to start on dinner. Deal?”

You moved off your bed onto the floor, taking a controller from Sam and the game began. Dean was demanding a rematch when you beat him, but you told him it would have to wait until later. When you played Sam, you, quite simply, got your ass handed to you.

“C’mon, (f/n) play me again. There’s no way you could beat me and lose to Sammy!” Dean whined.

“I could have beaten both of you but SOMEONE was distracting me in my second match,” you fake glared at Dean, “Seriously, though. I have to get on dinner.”

“It’s only three o’clock, (f/n). You know that right?” Sam questioned slightly worried.

“Yeah. I know, but if I wanna get the ham cooked, as well as all the side dishes and dessert prepared, I have to start now,” you explained.

Dean perked up at the mention of dessert, “What’s for dessert, (f/n)?”

“It’s a surprise, Dean,” you teased him.

Sam still looked concerned as he put in, “That sounds like a lot of food to make. You really don’t have to go all out for us.”

You smiled at him and reassured, “It’s no problem. I usually make enough for six and pack it away in containers for two serving sizes.”

“That sounds smart,” Dean commented.

“Yep. And don’t worry, because some of the things I’ll be serving tonight are leftovers. They’re still good, mind you. I don’t ever serve expired food. I just don’t like things to go to waste. And why waste energy making new food, when we have some in the fridge that’s still good?” you rambled on.

Sam finally smiled at you, “It’s alright. I’m sure anything you make will be delicious. Leftovers, or not.”

You smiled at them and told them to keep playing games if they wanted, then left to finally get started on dinner.

“I still wanna know what’s for dessert,” Dean pouted.


	6. Authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a note to anyone reading this

I just noticed that this series has bookmarks. I was going to delete it to start from scratch but I don't want to send anyone into a panic. I feel like this work is just rambling and not getting to the point fast enough and sort of chaotic and all over the place. So I will be going through and drafting it before I even post more chapters. A few of the ones I wanted to get to ended up disappearing in the great hard drive debacle of 2016. Please be patient and know I am working on fixing, reorganizing, and adding to this. Although to be honest it is not on the top of my priority list. I hope you can forgive me and I'm glad you have enjoyed it.


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